Poor Batman
by BatTitan
Summary: I turn up in the Bat-verse temporarily right when Joker is terrorizing Gotham. Then when Batman saves me, I give him a bit of advice, which he follows. I really hope he isn't scarred for life. One-shot. Mid-Dark Knight. Rated for language.


**Poor Batman**

"Ugh..." I moaned, opening my eyes. What a dream.

First, I was in my Geometry class where Ms. Brown was asking me to explain how I proved that the square root of two was an irrational number. Then I had fainted from the pressure and then fell through the floor, ending up in some Indian temple where the statues all glared and threw arrows at me. Then I had woken up and looked in the mirror to find a green monster that looked somewhat like the Hulk staring back at me. Then I screamed and awoke again...in this alley. Note to self, never eat cookie dough before bed again.

"What the-?!" I had heard a maniacal cackle. "There's no way!" I peeked out of the alley to find Joker firing a sniper in the air while all the people cowered on the ground in fright. "Oookaaay...I really shouldn't eat sugar before bed." I pinched myself and then gasped: that had hurt. "Oh crap...this is real..." Suddenly, two hands grabbed me roughly, hauling me out of the alley and pushing me at Joker's feet.

"We found this one in an alley," the thug explained. I glared up at Joker and got a creepy smile in return that chilled me to the core.

"Well, well...what have we here?" He tilted my chin up and I blew a raspberry in his face, causing him to step back in surprise. "Apparently, we have a comedian. But wait..." He grabbed my face roughly, placing a knife to the corner of my mouth. "Aren't comedians supposed to smile?" I stiffened as the knife pushed at the corner of my mouth. "Why so serious, kid?"

"Cause this is all just a really bad nightmare...soon, I'm gonna wake up wishing I never had that cookie dough before bed!" I retorted finally and Joker threw his head back, laughing cruelly.

"You're funnier than I am! Now about that seriousness..." He replaced the knife to my mouth; I hadn't even noticed he had taken it away when I had spoken. "Let's put a smile on that face, eh?"

"Batman's gonna kick your ass," I hissed and he chuckled once more, this time lower.

"Not unless he wants you..." I took a sharp intake of breath as he pressed the knife to my throat this time. "...dead." Joker's smile widened.

"This is insane," I muttered, "I'm having a nightmare. I'm gonna wake up at home, and I'm gonna go see Wall-E tomorrow, and everything will be fine!"

"Wall-E?" Joker looked absolutely confused. "You're crazier than I am!" Then his grin grew even more wider, if that was possible. "You're brilliant!"

"Then I'm even better," a deep growl came from behind me and Joker whipped me around to face...holy crap, I was facing Batman.

**Batman's POV**

I was looking at Joker's newest hostage, a teenage girl with frizzy black hair, tanned skin, and huge brown eyes filled with disbelief and shock. Surprisingly, she didn't look scared at all, just confused.

"Aw, ruin the fun," Joker pouted, then tossed the girl at me. I caught her easily, setting her on the ground as her knees gave way. She muttered something that sounded like, "I knew I shouldn't have eaten that cookie dough..." But I didn't have time to dwell on that as I took off after Joker, who had disappeared while I was taking care of the girl.

When I realized that he was gone, I returned to the girl, who had gotten over her shock...somewhat.

"You...you're Batman..." Never mind. Her shock was still there. "But you're not real! I mean, yeah, you're real, you're here and all, but you're...never mind, I'll just shut up now." I was completely bewildered by now, but didn't show it.

"What do you mean, I'm not real?"

"Never mind, I'm a seriously confused teen who is sleep-deprived," she replied quickly. "Before I forget, I've been dying to tell you this. When you get back to your cave go online and look for a website called fanfiction. Click on the Batman section in the comics category. You'll be surprised to see what's there." I gave her a look and she shrugged. "The pairings are amazing. People will put any two people together these days." I smirked, knowing that was true.

"I'll keep that in mind. Anything else?"

"Um, yeah, I know who you are and your past and everything, but I'm not gonna hold it against you. Thanks for saving me!" Before I could respond, she had disappeared into an alley. When I looked, I saw nothing in the alley except a dumpster and some crumpled pieces of paper.

When I returned to the Batcave (as I recently dubbed it), I went online as the girl had suggested and went onto the fanfiction site, clicking on the Batman category and skimming through the first story.

"WHAT THE HELL?!"

**My POV**

I heard the shout and snickered under my breath. Poor Bruce had discovered the horrors of slash pairings.

* * *

**I just couldn't resist. I just got back from seeing The Dark Knight (which was AWESOME, by the way) and I wanted to write a silly story where I ended up in the Bat-verse temporarily.**

**I felt so bad for Batman, telling him to read slash fics XD.**

**I hope this didn't include any spoilers for TDK, but if it did...sorry.**

**The way the girl was described in this story, that's really how I look in reality, frizzy hair and all. And I'm Indian, in case the tanned skin didn't tip you off.**

**I'm not actually seeing Wall-E tomorrow. I saw it yesterday. So CUTE!**

**Oh, and that dream at the beginning, I really had that dream a few years ago and I remember it today only because I got so scared by it. And I really did faint in a temple once. I've fainted three times in my life. Not pleasant.**

**R&R, please!**


End file.
